


bowing out

by orphan_account



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen, schizophrenic break Reid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-18
Updated: 2012-07-18
Packaged: 2017-11-10 05:50:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Reid leaves a letter for his team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bowing out

**Author's Note:**

> I am not even close to finishing the series, but I found myself writing fic anyway. This is my first attempt at Reid's voice, so I don't feel like it's quite right.

Dear Derek,

This is a letter for the whole team, actually, but I decided it was most likely you’d be the one to show up at my apartment first. (Hopefully you are, or else this will be terribly awkward.) I don’t want you to worry about me. I know you will anyway, but I can take care of myself, I promise. It certainly won’t be easy- I am young but not that naïve –but I can’t go to a doctor. Logic dictates that I should, that it’s the only course of action that will help me, but I find that I can’t. I honestly can’t.

It happened. I think you all know me well enough to know what “it” is. I wasn’t expecting it, actually. I figured I was past that dangerous age, but some things just aren’t predictable. I won’t lie to you- it’s bad. But we’ve seen worse, much worse, so try not to worry. 

An old friend did this same thing, but I don’t think he was scared. I’m scared. I’m terrified, actually, but I would rather be scared and alone than let you see me like this. The way I am now would make the old me seem normal, haha!

That wasn’t funny. Sorry.

Hotch, thank you for looking out for me. Out of all of us, you came closest to the edge and you came back, and I really admire that. I think Jack will too, someday.

Rossi, I’m glad you were the one to take Gideon’s place. Trust doesn’t come easily to people like us, so it means a lot that you trusted me. Thank you.

Emily, you joined our family when we were in pain and you fit, like you were exactly what was missing all along. Thank you for managing to balance being fun with Derek, JJ, and Garcia, being serious with Hotch and Rossi, and being just a little weird with me.

JJ, I am sorry for the things I said to you. You have been so much braver than anyone ever thought they would need to ask of you, much braver than the job you signed up for should have required. You are a wonderful mother and I’m sorry I can’t be a good godfather.

Penelope Garcia, thank you for seeing good in the world. Thank you for being happy when it’s so hard. Thank you for crying with me when the Tenth Doctor regenerated. Thank you for being you.

Derek. It’s safe to say you are one of the first real friends I ever had. I still don’t understand football, but you tried to teach me, which is a lot more than many people ever did. I’d like to think we’re very similar in a lot of ways, but different enough to make ours a fantastic friendship. Thank you.

Please don’t try to look for me. I’m sure you will, but I thought I might as well ask. Hiding from a team of brilliant profilers; surely this will be my greatest challenge yet.

I could not have asked for a better family. I love you all.

_Excelsior!_

Spencer

(P.S. Garcia, please explain the reference to anyone who doesn’t get it. Also, I hereby leave all of my “fun things”, as you declared them, to you. But I took my Fourth Doctor scarf with me. I spent weeks knitting it. I certainly hope it serves me well.)


End file.
